Alina Rapoport

i forgot livejournal existed till dave ditched me on ichat.


anyways, lately has been busy. i have been dancing a lot and zee bod hurts. school sucks and it can... well.. suck it. im always with dave and today everyone moved innn, so that will be interesting. well dave is back now.
goodbye.

this weekend was fun. I spent friday... i dont remember what i did actually.
i think i hung with dave and danced.
on saturday i hung with dave, danced and then we went out for valentines day.
chesecake factory had a three hour wait. so we ended up just going to steak n shake
it was fun.
then on sunday i was obv with him again and we went to panera and had some people over. me jess dustin and dave played monopoly and then dain came over and idk.
things got out of control.

anyways, i slept at daves since no school on monday.

and then i faked sick today so i could finish reading a book that has been due that it turns out we dont have a test on, so dumb. now im just waiting to go to dance.


btw. carrie and kaleb sucks


g'night.

hello, my name is mark cebula.


obviously.

speaker 1: perfection is in the eyes of the beholder, just as beauty.

speaker 2: but, the definition of perfection is very cut and dry, unlike beauty.

speaker 1: just as different people and cultures have a different idea of perfection. It may have what society would define as "flaws," but I see it as just another thing that makes someone or something what it is.

speaker 2: but that would be interpreting the word wrong.

speaker 1: the definition of perfection is the state or quality of being free from flaws, however everyone can
interpret flaws differently. what one person may consider a flaw, may be a mark of individuality to another.

speaker 2: you cannot just interpret things however you want.

speaker 1: why not ?

speaker 2: let me use an analogy. if the wall is grey, you cannot say its black. same thing in this case.

speaker 1: hmm... i can make it black.




i guess this is how i see the world.

goodnight

first day of the tremaine dance convention was sweet. im pretty tired, but its worth it.
i danced for five hours inbetween the hours ow 7 am - 2:30 pm.
its actually not that bad at all, i could do more.
then i went grocery shopping with dave/ ikea with dave and dain andddddd cuddlewuddled with dave and now i am home.
i have this stupid essay i have to do now.
crappp.

It’s a weird thing to reminisce. I think every person could legitimately say that they have gone through a lot. You may feel that their worst experience is nothing compared to yours, but one simply cannot know what it’s like to live another’s life. The way you are raised, after all, has some affect on the way you view things, of your biggest fears, etc., meaning your fears define what you see as tribulations.

However, I noticed no one ever wants to go back. Missing something just is not enough to want to go back and experience the things you have gone through. Along with the good, there is always some negatives. At least, I believe so. I don’t see as life something that goes smoothly at all times, and accepting it seems like the best option. The future holds some rough times, but so will the future.

I know this may sound a little off, but have you ever heard “the higher the high, the lower the low”? I know it refers to drugs, but I feel like I have noticed that pattern in life. I find getting super excited and overly-happy about something just creates a ticking time bomb, and everything will eventually crash. It’s not like a superstition… If, as they say, “all good things come to an end,” and you are at your peak of happiness, expecting nothing but for the rest of your life to feel just that way, you might get a little more than disappointed. Things happen, and although I believe you write your own story, you can’t control everything. People lose their jobs, people die, people leave, and things get out of control. So the more you expect for everything to be perfect just as it is, the lower you will crash when something goes horribly wrong. Although I can see how some people are just naturally stable then others… I can also see how people might not agree with me on this one… but I guess I just have seen this pattern in my life….

I know I miss certain things. And what mostly inspired me to write this is missing my trip to Russia in ’07, I suppose. In some ways I would go back just to go back to that point, but I suppose its hard going back, when you have found out what happened afterwards. I suppose not everything ends well, as good as it was at the time.

I know this isn’t anything beautiful or poetic.
Just something to think about, I suppose.

agh dance pissed me off today. my hair is also ticking me off. i cant even stand to look at it. i hate the cut and the color, so im going to bleach it hopefully sometime this week and then grow my bangs out. there out of control.

mmmmmmm i applied to jewel last night... i should apply to more places, actually.
i think ill do that now.
goodnight.

I haven't journaled in forever. I've been super busy. i just signed up for the psae mock bs and I dont even know what it is. It might just be a huge waste of time. I mean, c'mon, 9-1? four effing hours.

SOOO I've been good. workin' hard in school and such. made up two finals so far ? or one ? don't even remember. I missed three of them. so i should get to making that up...

Dave's parents are moving out and leaving the house, in like... a week. and he is probably having dustin and dain move in. thatll be sweet. dave's house is nice and he is lucky. but i know he will miss them, and well, so will i guess. i mean, there super nice, and ive been at his house like nonstop for the past four months.

I feel yucky lately because i like almost never look good anymore
haha.
i need to bleach and cut my hair and start actually getting ready again.
i just havent been lately i guess cuz dave thinks im pretty anyways and i feel no need to get ready.

uhmmmm.... dance is going good. our dances are cool and i have the competition dates and everything. tremaine issss coming up next month.


night night.

Hmmm...
so finals are coming up, and i really should study. i need to do well.
KNOW WHY?
i just figured out i can graduate this year ! that means i only have a semester left. its not totally for sure yet,since the papers are not signed, but my mom will do that next week and hopefully all will go well :D
im so excited. graduating as a junior is all i have wanted for a really long time.

My throat hurts and i might be getting sick, which totally sucks. eff you, winter.
hmmmmmmm... choir sucks and ive been skipping it a lot to hang with dave. < 333 anddddddddddd i have been taking lots of naps. haha.

dance has started up again and its all right. today hip hop was hard but i know ill get it. i always do. and i WILL get the front again this year.
i swear, i will.
all i have left to concetrate on is homework, dance and dave and im so so determined. i can make all of this come together perfectly if i manage my time, stay positive and work my butt off.
like a couple of days ago i posted a bulletin on myspace saying i need inspiration and change or something.
and well, here it is.
i have a chance to change SO much, and i'm planning on taking it.

alkfjsljf
MWAH.
goodnight.

School began again. Ugghhh. Today is just monday and I was SO tired when I came to Dave's. I slept for three hours and im still yawning now. I should check mygradbook but im afraid to... haha. got a 67 % on the last test.... UH.

I'm.... bored and tired. BYE.

Haven't written in FOREVER. aka - one week.
This week has been fun. Im with dave every day, when i should have been reading my book and doing my project. Also hanging with jess missy dustin and all themmmmz, of course.
New Years eve was fun as hell, haha, so intense. fun intoxicated time though.
hmmm what else? my foot is asleep and my mom just said:

"get out of bed your so lazy!"
me: "so what ? leave me alone"
she goes : "no one wants a lazy partner in life !!!"
me: "Im not your partner!!!!!!"
her: "no i mean later!"
me: "IM NOT GETTING MARRIED YET"

hahah okay momma russia.

UHHH i got a fayce b00k.
lol.


xo

I'd rather not go out at all then miss out on everything.

FINALLY.
the magical dinner is over and done with. one more day of school left IF we have no snowday, although its looking promising.
i had coffee today so i don't think i will be able to sleep. maybe ill stay up till three and write, i have not done that in a while. honestly, i haven't done much of anything in a while. I lost some weight though. Because im too busy to eat because im either out and don't have money orrrr too lazy. whatever, lost four pounds in the past two weeks.

so you know how its supposed to rain/ snow tonight? well my mom picks me up from magicals and as were pulling into the driveway says " no matter what you see, dont say a word" and i was like "huh..?" and then she showed me that john forgot to close his trunk in his car and its completely open. he has a honda element so the back opens from both top and bottom, like a pickup truck and suv. soooo he left it open, forgot about it, and neither my mom nor i said a word. so now i just hope it snows, so his car gets messed up. he deserves it, the fucker.

im so clean ! goodnight !

Ugh the magical dinner is killing me. Im just so so super tiiiired. my costume is impossible to breathe in. I'm not really eating enough lately and sleep five to six hours a night, which makes me super tired everyday. If i survive the next two days, I will reach Christmas break, haha. One more night of choir and two days of school. I have like two tests tomorrow neither of which i studied for.
I've been spending a lot of time with Dave, were official now. And Jess, haha.
I really wish i still worked back in bloom because i need an effing job so bad.

I screamed at my stepdad today.

OKAY NIGHT

ALLO !
so basically choir was fun, but a huge pain in the ass on thursday. I was so so so tired today, didn't really do much. Hung out with my mom and went shopping and watched Juno thats after i downed 8 pieces of pizza and fries. Healthy appetite, yano ?
: )

I have no clue whatsup this weekend. I have to clean my room though and dye my hair, so that has to fit in there somewhere tomorrow. sunday dave and i are having a movie marathon of some sort.

im so tired !!
goodnight.

Sometimes I say things I'm better off not saying. For example, telling marie about armando. i may or not get loads of shit for that, but honestly, i don't care. It's the right thing to do. I guess what bothers me is when I get away with something and my conscience gets the best of me. So I end up finding a way to confess. It just doesn't feel right not informing someone about something.

Today i slipped on ice and fell. The top of my right thigh is blue. I didn't do anything all night either. skipped dance, just chilled and napped. Where does the day go ? I'm so lazy that i let the day go by without doing anything productive.

I was thinking today how although this is the chillest school year yet, its also the most boring. Not much at school to look forward to. Like, at least last year I was interested in guys at my school or always had drama with mark. There was always something. I remember being all like " hay, i wonder what kinda shit billy is going to pull today"
hahah. I'm not saying that I miss it ! I just hate how boring school is, because the person im interested in doesnt go to bhs and i have like 5 people i talk to, and everyone else can suck it. tedious.

I'm pretty sure I just about failed my first geology test (1st i failed, not first i took ) and algebra cann... suck it.

Dear weekend, come here. !!!

it's past midnight and dave just woke up anddddd im waiting for him to respond to my text that i thought i had sent but my phone fucked up so now if he fell asleep again and didnt get it im waiting for no reason and i could be sleeping although i dont really want to be anyways, but ANYWAYS,

today was hella funny. hung with jess and zach, and later with jess dustin and dave. starbucks chill sesh.


didn't do my algebra :D

i've come to the conclusion that dave diiiiiiiiid fall asleep.
g'night.

I am pretty sure I have a personality disorder. and I'm not just saying that.
A slight case of bi-polar perhaps? it cant be clinical depression, but maybe it's something else...

I feel stupid for what I did. It's so typical.

night.

They call holidays an option for a reason
I heard you're coming back to life just for the fourth
I've been catching all your ghosts for every season
I pray to god you won't come back here anymore

do you pray with him, too?

They should deliver all my blessings
in small brown paper handbags near the porch
I wished I'd known that you were bleeding while I sat
and watched you reading with the lord

I read with him, too

when you look at me
I'll be digesting your legs
cause I can hardly see
what's in front of me these days
and those days, too.

I've got to take what I'm making
and turn it into something
I've got to take what I'm making
and turn it into something
for you
I've got to break what I'm making
and turn it into nothing
I've got to break what I'm making
and turn it into nothing
for you

God, where have you been?

i cant write in this anymore.